Duke's Coach K once told his players to focus on what was right in front of them- "get to the next TV timeout." I don't watch a lot of basketball, but I appreciate his philosophy. Yes, an NCAA basketball game is 40 minutes, but the longest stretch of play in a televised game is 7 minutes. A daunting goal, broken up to manageable pieces with clear, defined goals, something I'm striving to do. -Syd

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

What Running Can't Fix

I should start off with a zen refocused reminder to myself... I'm sitting on my back deck, feet propped up on chairs that were essentially free, watching the stars slowly reveal themselves, wearing an oversized university-i-didn't-go-to sweatshirt I stole, albeit with his permission, from the boy I'm trying to date, belly full of brats from the mega batched I grilled last night after a two workout day while waiting for Wileycat to come home from his evening adventures so I can give him ear drops, which he absolutely detests even if he knows there's treats right after. Note to self... bad day. good life. repeat as needed. Tomorrow's another day, but life is still good.

If an old episode of The West Wing is to be believed- and I've seen every one multiple times, use it as my reference for probably way too many things in life- then I should be perfectly normally on track. May 13th was the 6 month anniversary of my dad passing away from cancer. While I can remember so many details of that November day, I tried to do everything in my power to make that sunny spring day be like any other. I went to work, ate lunch with the usual group of coworkers, went for a run after work, then came home to attend to usual house stuff.

What wasn't normal was the topic of conversation on the run. My running partner is also a member of the "Half-Orphaned Club", also thanks to cancer, so we swapped stories of the days leading up to our parents' death, the stories of the funeral, and the awkward attempts to move on. I marked the 160-something days since the dad I'd become so disconnected from with as much attempt to be strong and brave as possible, but my armor got chipped seeing  how much my friend missed her mom and best friend after thousands of days.

But then I was fine. I didn't run the next day, ending my 12 day streak, had an awesome time in St. Louis for work that Thursday, and almost sent my sister a text to go "woo! survived the dreaded 6 month craziness you warned me about!' but figured that was a tad morbid. I just thought it.

I'm a little slow, though, and like to do things on my own darn timeline. I was actually really grateful that my dad passed when he did. November was a crazy busy month this fall, and he seemed to time it perfectly to let me fun a half marathon I'd been training for, go to the first day of an awesome work training but get out of the crappy 2nd day by dying that morning, funeral was far enough in the distance that I could still have work meetings that 3 people had flown in for from Minnesota, and then just bug the crap out of the universe, go see my family, and be back to "normal" for Thanksgiving. The funeral sucked and I cried tons, but I had a life 800 miles away to come back to, as life, for me, went on.

Two weeks later, though, I had this knock down drag out fight with the boyfriend over Thanksgiving plans. The kind of fight where I left, slamming the door, telling him to go do something anatomically impossible. I'd seemed normal, had come back seemingly all bandaged up, life hurdle cleared, ready to go, but inside, I realize I was just beginning to feel all the pain. In the "makeup" to the fight, I asked him "couldn't you cut me slack?! My dad just died..." I won't even give you a nickname or real name, because that was just another crumble in our foundation, and he's just a guy I sometimes ask to Wiley-sit now.

So, knowing that the 6 month anniversary was coming, I very delicately walked up to it, and, well, it was a tranquilized bear, totally scary looking, but not at all evil once I got up to it and then quite gracefully past it. But man, in a moment of sheer clarity today, I realize-and this is where I'm looping back around to The West Wing- that I heard Bach and thought of gunshots. It's taken a while to build, as I was fine the day of, but when my mom came into town Thursday and we just got on each other's nerves, the part of me that goes "hold on to her! She's what you have left!" kept adding straw to the camel's back.

The deafening blow came Sunday, though. A pastor was celebrating the 50th anniversary of his ordination, a big deal type thing, and in his awesome message, he mentioned a cancer scare he had 12 years ago, and how he had to reconcile the fact that he might not wake up as he was getting prepped for surgery. He said his goodbyes, but asked God to keep him alive if that was His plan. As he was standing in front of us, obviously he lived, and while that message, along with the other theological points, made me think and really connect the Gospel text to my Monday-Saturday life, it still made me cry. If you think about what's "fair", it makes sense that this pastor would "deserve" to live and the dad that had alienated his 4 kids should succumb to cancer in the timeline the doctors predicted.

I heard one tale of woe that led to more great things for the world thanks to a thus-far happy ending, ended up with tears streaming down my face thinking of a less lucky man, my mom handing me one of the tissues moms are required to carry in their purses. Throughout the weekend and today, the boy got super busy at work, as PhD students are prone to, and plans kept falling through to see him, the power company told me I had to pay a crazy deposit a week after I bought a random new tire for the car, people, as they are apt to, were just dumb at work, and all of these little things added up. I can usually brush them off, realize I have no control over it, so go focus on what is under my control, get some great moment of clarity...

There were so many people, though, that came up to my siblings and I to tell us how great my dad was, the ministries he started, led, the ways he truly showed God's love in the world. He wasn't a monster, just without a good example of what it meant to be a good dad, so awful compared to what we wanted and saw among our friends, and by the time he admitted to some of us that he'd messed up, it was too late to erase the decades of bitter, but enough to get set up for, so far, months of sadness.

When I get reminded of the soul darkening grief, other things pile up behind that, even if they're usually the "breathe in...breathe out...nip it in the bud, flip it into what you're grateful for, lift it to God" type things. Between bootcamp and a social 3.3 miler, I've sweated to the point of turning my face into a saltlick twice today, I bounded through trails in the woods yesterday with the freedom of a puppy in an open field, and definitely chowed down on a bratwurst before running 2.1 miles in 21 minutes on Saturday, but there's still this block. I can tell my anxiety levels when running vs. not running (taper, post-marathon soreness, other life demands) and even with the running this week, I think I'm just a tad delayed, re-absorbing the grief, lifting the bandaid to see that the scars are still pink and raw.

Honestly, I think the simple of act of realizing a sermon from Sunday can keep me steaming Tuesday night, will let me move over it. Right? Admitting you have a problem is the first step to overcoming it? I'll call a sister, go "wth, right?!" try to send a few more prayers towards my dad, zone out to do a work thing, play with Wiley a bit more (and plot names for his furry little brother, coming in July!), memorize the lyrics to songs nobody I know is obsessed with, and, of course, keep running...at least to the next tv timeout ;)

-Syd

Sunday, September 9, 2012

One last schweaty run?!

Okay, so maybe the title is pure wishing, but it was so cool this morning, the roomie and I opened up the doors, aired out the house, and didn't end up with a humidity and heat induced glow! This all blew in last night, about the time Mom and I left the house to go pick up Chinese for dinner :)

Sooo maybe I run because I eat that, but it was a super special Mom weekend! Anyway, when we left, the rental car told us it was 81*. By the time I'd gotten totally lost talking to the cashier when she told me my frequent user card was only for Chinese people, gotten my food and re-started the car, it was 74. But...Um... I know a couple of Japanese people at work, but no authentic Chinese people, so how did I end up with this?! She told me it was only for students, so I explained I used to be a student at State, I just tend to lose and find these cards! It might have been the one KR gave me :P We swap fro-yo rewards cards for Chinese, win win!

 Okay, so yeah, it was typical warm and humid yesterday morning! The sun didn't come out til that last mile when we were on a tree-lined trail, and for that, I was truly thankful! We did a nice as-flat-as-Raleigh-has-to-offer 6 miles on mostly tree-lined greenways around a lake, behind/between housing and apartment complexes, and chatted about all sorts of things. For example, the main person I run with from my group is probably old enough to be my mom and she recommended Hope Springs, the Meryl Streep movie. A new person dropped down to our pace group and she's about my age, and she had good things to say about it. What?! Urgh...fine. Sooo that's what my mom and I ended up seeing yesterday, and she was thankful I would go see it with her, sparing her the humiliation of being that middle-aged woman sitting alone in a clearly-aimed-at-her movie.

 We'd been warned about this beforehand, but we saw something similar to this:

 Okay minus the striking, fake screaming or water balloon. More like this:

 Thankfully one of the faster pace groups saw a guy like this just getting warm (or cool?!) on the trail and while the participants just stopped and backed off, a fellow mentor SPRINTED back with a pep in her step saying "Copperhead COPPERHEAD in the trail!" I stopped our group there, turned around to pass on the message. I was ready to strangle a couple of runners that were like "oh, COOL!" until I realized they weren't from our training group, so if they wanted to tangle with this venomous {see, Huck! I listen} creature, more power to them- and no legal obligation to our training group!

He eventually slithered off, and you could still see the majority of his body continuing to go into the grass by the time we passed. Shudder! Totally gave our group an adrenaline rush and I'm pretty sure we dropped average pace by a few seconds even with our 30 second pause!

The group is experimenting with in-run nutrition and I'm realizing that running for 70 minutes means I need to eat twice. That last mile, I could feel my brain start to shut down, I talked even less clearly than normal (which if you know me says a LOT!) and had to seriously focus on getting through. I had a chocolate outrage Gu that had caffeine, and I really liked it. The consistency and taste were definitely chocolate icing and I wouldn't want to down one of those without water to wash it down, just to get the super intense sweetness out of my mouth. Sorry if this is TMI, but coffee makes me have to pee, so for long runs, the last thing you want to do is need to pee when you're 3 miles from the closest bathrooms, so I liked that this flavor had caffeine built in. Morning runs demand caffeine! I definitely stayed up til past midnight on that shot and a 20 minute nap!

I'm super-nerding it up this week, determined to take advantage of these cool mornings, so I have not just my work outfits laid out but my running outfits! Sports bras and non-cotton socks included :) My legs are getting tired and my right knee bugs me after long runs, so I'm taking the advice of the other mentor for my pace group and going to keep running on tired legs to build up the endurance. I'm going to use shorter runs to get my mileage, even though it might mean a 3 miler before work and another couple after. Tuesday's cross training will be some elliptical, too- "mileage" without the impact.

Off to get in some upper body strength :) What good are awesome legs if you have pudge arms?!

Here's to the next tv timeout!

-Syd

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Run more, blog less?

Scatterbrained...


  • I am now a mentor for... a HALF-MARATHON training program! Its actually amazing and wonderful because my mantra used to be "I don't run when it's above 70*" and I think out of the 8 runs I've done in the past 3 weeks, only one has been under 70. It sucks, I "glisten" by mile 1 and then sweat like a dog the rest of the way, I chug water like a pro from my new hydration backpack, and when its all over, I stretch until I'm putty, including the pesky upper leg muscles that aren't helped by sitting at work all day, and then drink some aaaaamazing protein recovery drink.
  • I am stupidly happy when I run. Like, that and a good cup of coffee and I might be dancing all day at work. 
  • My job? Amazing! I have lots of fun, its challenging but not so much that I run screaming because I have no clue what's going on, but I know there's lots to learn and the support I have around and above me is top notch. 
  • Other super cool thing about my job?  My boss runs! He goes out during the day, even when its 11:30, sunny, 90*, 80% humidity... I ran with him and this other guy that is in a related division last week. I'm still acclimating to running and I knew that I would be slow, but the men were running my spring pace and I'm in out of shape summer pace :/ We'll see how I do when I keep training and it flippin' cooooools down!
  • Final "yay!" thing about my work- the shower is amazing! Like... better than Huck's house! Might have to utilize that more this winter, run when its still light outside from work, shower, and hopefully rush hour traffic will have somewhat cleared by then. Oh my plots!
  • Speaking of plots, talking to my mom tonight, I said "have I told you about my evil plot?" I'm sort of worried because her reply was "which evil plot?" I swear it was running related, but I'll tell you when I put where my money where my mouth is :)
  • Back to mentoring- I LOVE the other woman mentoring the pace group with me since she's chill, laid back, total opposite of me, but when we get to rough parts, we're both offering up the "head up, shoulders back, hands loose" etc form cues. The people in the group are also neat- upbeat, thankful to be there, determined, and a lot of fun to talk to :)
So... I stink. The roomie tried to wash the shower curtains today (thanks!) but it failed, so she was out stimulating the economy when I got home and now that I'm thoroughly ripe, its time to shower :) 

Here's to the next TV timeout :)
-Syd

Monday, July 23, 2012

EEP!

I was supposed to be in bed 45 minutes ago BUT I need to say...


I RAN TODAY!

Well, sorta. I think elliptical machines are cheating, but my work gym has ONE treadmill and I got in at the same time as a lady who was FOCUSED and knew what she was doing, so she beat me to it :/

So glad we had 2 ellipticals to fall back on... Little does Huck know, I'm stealing his resistance bands and doing something p90x tomorrow so I can get in some soul-crushing weights :D BUT! I did 3.1 miles, the first mile in 9:04, the second in 10min and the third was just zoning out a lot. Total, it took me a little over 30 minutes, but like I said, the third was me looking at a lot of birds outside. I've been around this guy too long:



Like I said, ellipticals are "cheating", so I might as well go faster on them!

Off to bed (should've been there almost an hour ago!)... EEP!

Here's to the next TV timeout! (or fun gym workout or P90x shred or...)

-Syd

Thursday, July 12, 2012

And such

First off, I need to be more aware of the weather. When it was triple digits for so long, I just gave up on it ever being less than 80 outside and it was 60-something last night. WHY DIDN'T I GO FOR A RUN THEN?! Well, a kitten with a broken jaw that I was feeding through a tube for one reason. Anyway, I'm going to check the weather every couple days, see if I can't catch some 70's weather. I might be getting up at 5am on Saturday to get a couple jogging miles in.

So here's my other random fitness stuff, out of my brain, onto the blog. Be afeared! :) <-- I've lived in the South too long... w/e. Embrace it, like barbecue, sweetea and y'all!

1- http://hellogiggles.com/10-reasons-running-doesnt-suck-as-much-as-you-think  Love this!

2- Pullup work continues! I can now do very slow, controlled negatives on the pullup bar. I can even hang with my chin up for a couple seconds :)

3- I had fun this week TAKING in some of my jeans :)

Before:







Jeans that fit that I used as my template:

After:




For the record, these are all Old Navy 10's. The template pair is a few years old and you can tell a huge difference in the denim. The old pair is very sturdy, feels like you could wear it for years, not wear a hold anywhere. New pairs? Ripped when I took out some overzealous seams!

I also took in the tech shirt I got for running my half marathon. I was super bummed when I got it and realized it was just too big. I gave it to Huck for a while, but darnit, I earned it! So I took it back, told him he could have my 10k shirt, and used a shirt I'd gotten from my training 8k group to know where to sew new seams for the half shirt. So far, so good :)

4- Its been over a month since Huck's been on the Paleo diet. He cheat a LOT thanks to the yummy summer drinks out like Lime-a-Ritas (not high class, but YUMMY!), but between the diet and pretty regular p90x, he's had to add another notch to his belt and I can tell he's lost the beer gut he gained after ending Insanity but before we got back into p90x and he went Paleo. Foods he used to take or leave have become treats, like almonds and other nuts.

As he's gotten more familiar with what is and isn't in the plan, the meals he cooks have become more varied and he can even find paleo meals at restaurants. Last night, he made these amazing eggplant lasagna stacks using fresh eggplants a coworker gave him. When he went to Cracker Barrel at lunch, instead of his usual chicken and dumplings, he got a Cobb salad, brushing off the bread crumbs and getting a vinaigrette dressing, which seems like a totally normal meal, but not only was it Paleo, it was SUPER YUMMY!  No longer is it steamed veggies and a hunk of meat, but its spaghetti squash with standard marinara, veggie stir fries, roasted any veggie, lots of summer meats like sausage and brats, lettuce wrap fajitas and typical meals, just making the rice or pasta sides for the non Paleo people like kids or girlfriends (:D) that might be eating. I don't know if I'm ready to go Paleo, but I do find myself eating less bread, just because I don't buy it as much and rely on the few English muffins or tortillas I might have in the house, and keep an eye on potential Paleo meals or ingredients to pass on to Huck.

5- For more info about the kitty with the broken jaw: http://dearwiley.blogspot.com/2012/07/more-adventures.html

Here's to the next TV timeout!

-Syd

PS- get access to a gym next week... might we see a return of a running Sydney?!?!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

StronGrrrr

So since we're still in my summer running motto phase (I don't run when its above 70* outside) thanks to the fourth day in a week of triple digit heat in NC, I decided to set an attainable INDOOR fitness goal. Doing p90x with Huck, I've had to do more pushups, squats, pot stirrers and the grandaddy exercise of pullups than ever before.

Trust me... there are days where the things I CAN do- squats, all 50 million variations, bicep curls, evil pushup variations, and still be waddling like a penguin, so the days where my friend Tony gives us 10 different variations of pullups to do?! Yeah... when you can't even do one normal easy (whatever works for you) pullup, doing the scarecrow variations (go up, tilt right, tilt left, go back, then down)?! Make me laugh with the "yeah, right!" giggles and give me a break while I watch Huck get all buff.

Until.... Well, there are girls on the show that use resistance bands or utilize a chair to help them cheat, and I want to be them. They "bring it", don't wuss out, and look AMAZING as a result. That, plus lots of brown rice, chicken and steamed broccoli meals or lives as professional dancers. Whatever. So... in my self-imposed "man up! don't wuss out!" mantra, I've decided my goal by July 31 is to be able to do at LEAST 1 unassisted pullup.

To start off, my world of Googling told me to try with negatives. I jump up to the top, arms contracted, and lower myself down, hopefully slowly and controlled. So far, I'm using Huck's knee to jump up. Yes, ladies, I've figured out how to get a man down on one knee :) What, does that mean something to ladies in a committed dating relationship?!

Enough razzing the so-not-there-yet bf... more about progress! I remembered to do it on Monday, got in 1 solid one, and 2 semi-solid ones, then we did tris and shoulders, so that the next day I was still sore on the bottom half thanks to Saturday's legs and back workout, and then any arm movement made you aware of the muscles to twist or turn :) I did a happy circuit of pushups, squats, calf raises, Russian twists and jumping jacks (and other random bodyweight exercises) Wednesday morning when I could finally move with minimal pain, and before fireworks commenced, tried to get more negatives in to keep the progress. Now that I'm trying to remember how many I did, I totally can't remember. I did try to get above the bar on my own but having a pullup bar in a hallway just lets you Spidey up the wall :/

So that's my story :) Can't run?! Do pullups! Adapt or wither... and don't be a wuss!

Here's to the next TV timeout!
-Syd

Sunday, July 1, 2012

So many things

1- I SURVIVED (barely) Illinois' toughest 15k. I have the medal to prove it:
The medal is hanging around my nec.k... don't know how I have enough energy to smile

2- It was h-e-double-hockey-sticks! I don't run when its above 70 outside by choice. It was 70 at the starting line, before I had to go up this evil hill twice! I killed that hill the first time, was doing well despite an absent water stop pre-hill, even when I got lapped by...well... a lot of people! But... somewhere around that first loop near the zoo, even after going past one of my best friends who was doing a lock-in (Zoo Znooze) , the leg that pressed on the gas pedal for 13 hours a couple days before cramped up, the heat exhausted me, and the impending meet up with my dad started to suck the happy go-go-GO right outta me. I got down the happy little hill, had a spectator tell me my braid looked cute and whimpered at the sight of the hill again with no water break until I was up it and started to walk like a pro. My chest exploded and hamstring cramped up like never before as the heat and panic rushed over me to have me bawling right before mile 7. I thought about this picture:


And kept going. I knew that right after mile 7, it was down one hill, 2 miles of straight and flat at the end with my momma and sister waiting to cheer me in after they'd done the 4 mile race.

Oof.

3- I didn't run much after that. Serious amounts of pain. I even put this Biofreeze gel on my leg to try to numb it, and omg it got numbed and I smelled like mint and couldn't feel my leg the rest of the day.

4- The next time I ran? I was in Savannah, GA at a $42/night hotel with one of my best friends from high school, on the treadmill in the gym. I turned on tv, enjoyed The Mentalist, checked out my form while I ran, and tried to get in some speed work. I'd only waited about 20 minutes after eating this AMAZING $7.50 low country boil so when I was upping the speed (to 7.0 mph!! and BEYOND) I slowed down when I started tasting the shrimp, crab, sausage, corn and 'taters again. Had a GREAT time doing the HIIT though!

5- I've decided my goal for the month of July while it decides to stay in the triple digits outside in the BLAZING humidity is to do at least 1 unassisted pullup by the time August comes around. Huck has a pullup bar in the hall of his kitchen/living room, so I have a plan... if I can't run outside, I shall become a beast!

6- For the awesome new job (yes yes, official job offer paperwork came in a couple weeks ago! WOOO), I had to get a physical. The doctor told me that people like me keep him from being busy. I compared the results of my cholesterol from 3 years ago, when I would go to work, sit down, come home, sit down, go to sleep, repeat. My total cholesterol has gone down by 1 point, but the triglycerides, HDL and LDL all tell the story of a much healthier and active person :) As a scientist, its nice to see proof in fancy numbers like that.

7- Other proof that I'm doing something right? When I went home, my mom had tons of my high school stuff for me to go through, since she would be putting the house up for sale a couple days after I left (it sold in 40 hours, no joke). Out of curiosity, I tried on my junior year prom dress. At 25, the dress that 17 year old me wore doesn't fit... because its too loose! My senior year prom dress?! Even worse! At least the junior year one has just an inch or 2 of fabric that you can grab here and there. Because of the cut of the senior year one, it just doesn't fit at all! It doesn't help that I don't gain fat in the most...um.. desirable?! places for a girl, but even the back is loose enough to hold a 6 pack :)

Ok... I promise more updates! Life should settle down here shortly and you'll get to hear about pullup progress :)

Here's to the Next TV timeout!

-Syd